Kenji's Preteen Adventures
by Neko-Hime9003
Summary: Kenji's 12, and has to go through all the ordeals of being a preteen. Oh yah. Sano's a receptionest.Chapter 5 is up! PG for ripped yukatas.
1. The Ortho

Kenji's Adventures As A Preteen  
  
A/N: Again, it's still in the 1800s but they have orthodontist. Deal. Mmkay? Bye the way, in this, the characters may be a bit OOC, and Kenji is 12. 12. Haha. That's fun to say. ::walks into the distance saying '12' and cracking up::  
  
Chapter One: The Orthodontist  
  
"MOM! I don't need braces! See? My teeth are fine!" Kenji said, opening his mouth to reveal teeth in the shape of the Grand Canyon.  
  
"Kenji, you ARE going to the orthodontist. Or else." Kaoru said with a menacing smile.  
  
"Or else what Otousan?" Kenji asked, innocently.  
  
"Or else...KENSHIN!! GET YOUR SAKABATO READY! WE'RE HAVIN' BOY TONIGHT!" Kaoru replied, pushing Kenji into the carriage.  
  
In the distance, Kenshin called out "Boy? Again?" With a pained smile.  
  
Kenji banged at the carriage window, and almost succeeded at breaking the glass, when they arrived at the ortho. (I don't feel like typing the whole word. Deal.)  
  
"Otousan, that was only a 2 minute carriage drive. We could have walked and stopped global warming." Kenji said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Global warming, shmobal warming. If we walked you would have run away." Kaoru said. "And besides, carriages don't run on gas!" She grabbed him by the ear and yanked him into the office.  
  
As the walked in, they heard a familiar (very unenthusiastic) voice. "Welcome to Dr. Takani's office. Sign your name in and take a seat. Blah."  
  
Kaoru's eyes bulged out of her head. "SANOSUKE???"  
  
"Shh...it's a summer job okay? Kitsune dragged me into it." He replied.  
  
But Kaoru ignored him. She was already on the floor rolling around in laughter. "Hahaha Aku wearing Sanosuke a RECIPTIONEST? HAHAHAHA!"  
  
Kenji didn't know who Sanosuke was. So he just sat in a chair and began to read "The Poky Little Puppy" (remember, he's 12 ::snicker::)  
  
A few minutes later, Megumi came out, and said "Kenji Himura, it's your turn." Unfortunately for her, Kenji had brought glue with him, and glued himself to the chair while his mother was having a laughing fit. As Megumi tried to yank him out, he had an evil grin on his face. Finally, after many tries, Megumi heard a rip. Kenji was out of the chair. But some of his yukata was still in it...  
  
End Chapter 1! :) 


	2. Getting The Torture, I mean BRACES On!

Kenji' Preteen Adventures! Chapter 2

The Braces

A/N: Stupid 'Learn Japanese' computer program! I could have sworn they said Otousan was mother......Hmph! Ah well! I'm sorry it took me so long to update. My brain had serious gas. Really.

As Kenji walked into Megumi's lair...I mean office...a little girl looked at Kenji and said to her mother

"Mommy, why is that boy wearing pink underwear?"

Kenji blushed and ran to sit in the orthodontist chair where no one else could see his pink undies. Then, Megumi strapped him to the chair with iron chains.

"Okasan! (see?! I got it right this time! –proud-) Look how evil Doctor Takani is! She doesn't want to help me! She wants to KILL me!!!!!!!" Kenji exclaimed.

But Kaoru was sitting the waiting room, reading "How to Torture Your 12 Year Olds"

"WAHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Kenji cried. He would have screamed longer, but the keyboard won't let me type like that a lot, and Megumi stuck metal in his mouth.

"If feelsh wike I'm chooing on awuminum foiw!" Kenji complained, with his mouth full of aluminum foil.

Then, after 2 hours of screaming, more glue and some other things that can't be mentioned in a PG fanfic, Kenji had his braces!

"Now don't snap the rubber bands Kenji!" Megumi said, as Kenji ran out of the chair.

You could hear 'TWANG! "OW!" TWANG! "OW!"' from miles away, as Kenji snapped the rubber bands.

Once they got home, Kenji began crying.

"Okasan! It hurts!!!! I think my mouth has been murdered! Megumi is PURE EVIL I tell you! Not an OUNCE of good in her!" Kenji exclaimed.

"Kenji-Chan, the only reason your mouth hurts is because you've been snapping those rubber bands." Kaoru said. "Now go to sleep and they'll feel better in the morning...."

But little did she know......!

END CHAPTER 2! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! NOW REVIEW! I COMMANDETH YOU!


	3. Wild Seamonkeys And More Braces

Kenji's Adventures As A Pre-Teen

Chapter 3

The Wild Sea-monkeys And More Braces

A/N: You don't know how special you make me feel by reviewing nyo! Thank you so much, everyone that has been reviewing!

I'll try to put a bit more Kenshin in this chapter, mmkay nyo?

Finally, I'm aiming for 11 reviews this time nyo!

HAJIME (Start/Beginning)

When Kenji awoke the next day, something felt strange in his mouth. More strange than the braces. He went to look in the mirror, an realized that

HIS BRACES WERE OFF!!!

He jumped up and down, danced, and went to hug his Teddy Bear. Then, he paused.

"18 months went by awfully quick..." he said aloud. Then, he shrugged, and went to tell all his stuffed animals the good news.

"So, Mrs. Pink Giraffe, guess what???? I woke up and I like had no braces! Isn't that like so totally awesome?!!" Kenji exclaimed to his stuffed Koala Bear.

"......." Replied Mrs. Pink Giraffe.

"Maybe I should have named you Aoshi." Kenji said, and then moved on to tell his parents.

"Okaasan! Otousan! Guess what?! My braces are off!!!!" Kenji yelled out. Kaoru was asleep, and Kenshin was cooking. "Okaasan?" Kenji said, and shook Kaoru's shoulders.

Kaoru opened her eyes, hissed at Kenji, and went back to sleep. Kenji shrugged again, and ran to tell Kenshin.

"Otousan!!! My braces are off!" Kenji exclaimed. Again.

"Let me see your lack of braces!" Kenshin said.

Kenji opened his mouth wide. The room filled with halitosis. Kaoru was to never open her eyes again...until she smelled breakfast. They were having donuts! Okay, sorry, got off topic there...

"Kenji, brush your teeth, and we're going right back to Megumi Dono de gozaru!" Kenshin dragged Kenji into the carriage, while Kenji kicked and screamed, and yelled something about getting even once he was old enough to buy a chain saw. O.o WATCH OUT KENSHIN!!!!!

Once they got to Megumi's office, Sanosuke greeted Kenshin.

"Yo yo yo! Homie K! How's life been on ya dawg?" Sanosuke said slapping Kenshin's back. "Oh and don't tell Kitsune, but I fixed the water faucets to only give out saké!"

"Oro..." Kenshin said. "Kenji, why didn't you tell sessha Sano was a receptionist?" Kenshin whispered, once he and Kenji were seated.

"I chose to erase him from my mind." Kenji replied.

Then, Megumi called. "KENJI HIMURA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GOT SOME SPLAININ TO DOOO!!!!"

Kenji hid under his chair and whimpered. He forgot to bring his glue this time, so he would have to think of something else, and quick.

"SANO PUT SAKÉ IN THE WATER PIPES!" He cried, and then ran out the door, feeling accomplished.

He ran miles and miles, looking for shelter. Finally, he found a nice big tree that didn't look like it was out to get him. He was wrong of course. The tree began back-sassing him.

"Hey! This is MY territory! Get off lady!"

Kenji ran to another tree, and caught his breath. Just as he was feeling calm, a group of kids jumped up from behind the tree.

"Join us...join us!!!!" they said, ominously. "We are the Wild Seamonkeys, and we need a pretty lady to sing for our band!"

"I'm a MAN!" Kenji grumbled.

"Well, you're still pretty" said one that looked like Sanosuke. "Join us?"

"What's in it for me?" Kenji asked, suspiciously.

"Ummm.... you'll have boys delivering long stemmed roses and chocolates to your room." Said one that looked a bit too much like Aoshi.

"Room?" Kenji asked.

"Yah! Your trailer!" Said one that looked like Saitou, as his eyebrows moved up and down, making a 'doink doink' sound.

"Wow! A trailer! Are you sure I can join?!" Kenji said with wide eyes.

"Well, we're all the sons of deadly killers, and you look like one too!" The once that looked like Sano said.

"Really?!" Kenji said.

"Nah, you're just pretty." Said the small Sano.

"But...I AM the son of an assassin!" Kenji said.

"Daughter." Said the one that looked like Saitou. "Well, either way, you're in. So, let's introduce ourselves!"

"I'm Hajime Ookami, son of Hajime Saitou!" Said the one that looked like Saitou. "I play the drums for the band. It helps with my anger management."

"I'm Shinomori Yuki, son of Shinomori Aoshi!" Said the one that looked like Aoshi. "I play the piano, cuz I think it's pretty. –giggle-"

"Blah blah. My dad was too lazy to name me, so everyone calls me his name. Sagara Sanosuke." Said the one that looked like, you guessed it, Sano. "I play the electric triangle!"

"Baka!" Said Ookami. "You play the electric GUITAR!"

"A guy can dream right???" Sano said.

"My name is Himura Kenji, and I am son of Himura Kenshin, A.K.A Hitokiri Battosai!" Kenji exclaimed.

"Right....." They all said.

"You keep thinking that." Said Sano.

"Hey, your dad wasn't even an assassin, so I wouldn't talk!" Kenji said. "Besides, my dad fought all of your and he won!"

"And I'm Queen Of England." Replied Yuki.

"Guys, stop fighting!" Said Sano, suddenly turning serious. "We have a performance tonight, and Kenji doesn't know any of the songs! We gotta get cracking!"

END CHAPTER 3

A/n: So, what did ya think? Like the name of the band? Like the BAND? I probably should have named it "Not very manly boys playing music on instruments they can't play" though. Anyways...REVIEW!


	4. The Concert And Marry Joe

Kenji's Adventure's As A Preteen

Chapter 4

The Wild Seamonkey's Concert

A/N: Sorry I haven't written for a while, but I finally decided I'm not gonna get more reviews unless I write more. However, -sniff- I'm disappointed that I only got 10 reviews. So, if I don't have 12 reviews, I'm not writing more! So there! Okay, probably not. I love this story too much to abandon it. Anyway...this chapter is MOSTLY about the Wild Seamonkeys and their concert, but...he shall meet someone very special. Oh yes. Just for you people who don't know what Brush Ups are (believe me, you'll need this information) they are little things that you slip on your finger and brush your teeth with.

"Okay guys! And Kenji. On the count of three, let's start!" Sano yelled. It was the Wild Seamonkey's first practice with Kenji. And they didn't bother to teach Kenji any of the material.

Yuki began to play some Beetzartoven song or something like that. Ookami would have broken his drum...if his drums weren't made of heavy metal. You see, he got so angry at his drums, (because it was supposedly their fault he couldn't play for beans) that he would break them if they weren't made of heavy metal. Sano began to play the guitar off key. REALLY off key. It sounded like an dog got stuck in a lawn mower, and was being struck by lightning, and beat up and...I'm stopping now... And Kenji's voice sounded angelic. Unfortunately.... it didn't go with the music at all.

"That was GREAT guys! We're ready to perform!" the ever optimistic Sano said. "All you guys are free to go. Just tell your parents that tonight we're having a concert at

Bob's Book Barn. Oh and Kenji, wear this there. I want to see how it looks on you. If it looks good enough, you're wearing it for the concert." Sano handed Kenji a red sparkly dress with slits down the sides, and a bra, and walked away. Then, he walked back to Kenji, and slipped something in his hands. "Kenji, you'll need these. Lots of them. Believe me." And then walked away again.

Kenji walked in through the front door of the house. Amazingly, his parent's didn't care he walked right out of his orthodontist appointment. And when Kenji told them he had joined a rock and roll band, and he was having his first concert that night, they just nodded and said, "That's nice Katrina. Now eat your broccoli." Kenji shrugged, and walked up to his room to see what Sano had given him.

"What in the world???!!" Kenji said, as he realized what Sano had given him. "BRUSH UPS?!!! MY BREATH DOESN'T STINK!" He said, opening the window to let out the mysterious smell in his room. "Oh well. I'll bring 'em anyway. Ookami could use them."

Then, Kenji changed into his dress, and made Kenshin and Kaoru drive him to

Bob's Book Barn, because the concert was starting in 10 minutes.

When they got there, everyone was spazzing out, because Kenji was a minute late. Yuki, in his little tuxedo, was biting his (unnaturally long) fingernails off. Ookami was wearing a muscle shirt, and ripped jeans. He wasn't that worried. Just hungry. Sanosuke was banging his head against the wall, knowing that he shouldn't have trusted someone so pretty. When they all saw Kenji, angels started singing. It was time to start the show!!!

It turns out; someone -coughYUKIcough- forgot to give Ookami heavy metal drums. As soon as his drumsticks hit the drum, it broke. So, for the whole concert, he played on thin air. Sano brought an electric triangle instead of his guitar. Yuki again played the wrong song. Kenji's voice broke Hiko's saké jug. But Hiko didn't care. He lapped it up off of the floor. And this all happened in their WARMUP!

Once they warmed up, Sano shouted out "Rip slip guys!" and everyone but Kenji knew what he was talking about. Sano started, with a loud TING on his triangle. Then, Yuki followed up with a nice intro on the piano, and Ookami played some more air drum. Then, the song started.

"RIP! SLIP! BRUSH! AH!" they all yelled out. Kenji knew immediately what he had to do. He put a Brush Up on, and brushed his mouth so hard, his teeth nearly fell out. Then, he sang in an opera voice:

"RIIIIIIP! SLIIIIIIP!!! BRUUUUSHHH!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!" and he threw Brush Ups to everyone in the audience. Kenshin cried, and said, "That's our boy!" and Kaoru nudged him and said "Girl. Your girl. I'm not related to him in ANY way." Saitou, who was now an old coot, was complaining that too many kids were on his lawn, and that he couldn't hear the T.V. Aoshi was ashamed that Yuki bit off his fingernails that took so long to grow. And Sanosuke was so proud, he bought Sanosuke a car. (Don't worry! This WILL be brought up again! Hee hee hee...) Then, Kenshin realized that Ookami was Saitou's son. He walked up to Saitou, and nudged him.

"Hey Saitou...you had ANOTHER!?" Kenshin said, winking.

"Shut up you young'n! I'm tryin' to watch my soaps!" He said, and pushed Kenshin away, going back to playing with his two bars of soap.

Then, the miraculously short concert ended, and they all bowed. The Wild Seamonkeys went to their 'trailer' ::cough TREEHOUSE cough:: and had non-alcoholic saké and onigiri and ohagi until they threw up. (Kenji's puke was pink...) As they walked back to their homes, Kenji ran into a big scary figure. He cowered. This person looked like a very strong man! He hid behind a tree, but it was too late. The man had already seen him. The 'man' walked up to Kenji, and proudly said: "My name's Mary Joe! I like to body build! And eat! Invisible hamburgers! ::MUNCH:: My favorite salaaad! Dressin' is ELBOW GREASE?!" (Not to be read as a question, but just with the voice going up.)

Kenji was scared to death. That was a GIRL?! He screamed, running for his life...

END PART 4


	5. Mary Joe's Vicious Attack

A/N: Ahh! I haven't updated for SOO long! I'm so sorry! I beg your forgiveness! It's the stupid science fair's fault. Harumph. Anyways...thank you SOO much for the reviews. By the way, to the person who was suspicious about the cars and stuff, in the first chapter I cleared up orthodontia. I guess I should clear up the other stuff: It's still the 1800's. Yesh. They just have more stuff than they really did.

Chapter 5

Mary Joe

Kenji found a nice bush to hide behind, from the evil, evil...thing. As the thing walked by, Kenji caught a glimpse of its hairy legs. It smelled of French toast and grasshopper breath. It was very massive, (1000 pounds, and 10 feet high) and had high, braided, pigtails. Its hair was greenish purple. (Don't ask me how THAT happened....-shudder-) Kenji had to use all of his willpower not to scream bloody murder.

But then...the thing came up to him. It saw him behind the bush!

"NO!" Kenji screamed. "I haven't gotten to live to see my turtle run!!!! NOOOO!!!!!"

But Mary Joe just smiled sweetly, picked Kenji up, and put him on her shoulders. Kenji angrily banged on her shoulders, with amazing strength (for a GIRL!!!), but to no avail. Mary Joe carried him off into the setting sun.

The next day, Kenji was experiencing extreme body pain from being beat up by Mary Joe when he said he didn't want to be his/her boy/girl friend. (Their genders are really confusing! .) Kaoru and Kenshin didn't believe Kenji was attacked by a killer man/lady. Well, they did, but they were convinced it was Kamatari. Kenji was forced to lie in his bed all day, when....

He heard an engine from a very schmexy sounding sports car! He got himself out of bed, and saw Sanosuke sitting there, in a very schmexy sports car!

"Wow!" Kenji exclaimed. He jumped out the window, using his hair as a rope, and landed in Sano's sport's car.

End Chapter 5!

Sorry this wasn't that long, but I didn't have many ideas. I'll update more frequently. Promise! Ja ne my (hopefully still) loyal fans!


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